Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
So if you follow our blog, you obviously never know what you are going to get or when. We don't update everyday or even every week but then again Jen and I may both update back to back just depends on what we have to say and share. Honestly, I am surprised I am updating today, I usually stay away from this blog and my favorite adoption websites when I am in a funk like this. Quite frankly I usually don't even tell Jen when I feel like this (I guess she will know now) because the whole process of preparing, waiting, saving, waiting, hoping, waiting, wanting, waiting, you get the picture, is so draining on us that I don't want my "off " day to bring her down and today is an OFF day.
I am tired of waiting for this to happen! Each day, if I let it, a little doubt sneaks in and tries to crack my foundation, a foundation built upon my strong belief that we were meant to do this and I whole heartedly believe we were meant to do this. Days like today though, I just start to think or the little voice in my head says "it hasn't happened yet, maybe there is a reas...." I never let the voice finish before I squash it but just the fact that the voice is there is enough for me. There is no reason for why I feel like this either, I seriously woke up this way at 5:00am this way.
There is so much in your life that goes on hold when you are adopting, things that you never think of until you are right in the middle of the process. For instance to help finance this dream we collect aluminum cans and have been doing so for over 3 years. Every week for 3 years I have been in our garage dead of winter or heat of summer crushing cans, stale beer cans, moldy pop cans, inevitably someone mistakes a bag of cans for garbage and you get some garbage in there too. I am tired of cans! We bring them home from work we collect them from friends and family, our fantastic neighbors leave them in our garage - and we appreciate everyone one of them, doesn't mean I have to like crushing them all the time.
We put our jobs on hold for this to happen, we don't know when our miracle will come or from where. Will we have to have an extended stay from work to have this happen? As a result we keep our vacation time very minimal so that we always have it for our miracle. Neither of us actively seeks out job changes because we need the stability our current positons provide.
Don't start me on the deck to our house that has never been built becasue that money is going elsewhere or the birthday parties we will attend this weekend for all the children another year older.
SO when I feel like this I also think ALL of the above is a selfish way to think. It is nothing but selfish jealousy, is it right to be envious that my nieces and nephews are a year older or that my deck isn't there or that I am crushing cans. Really I love watching kids grow it is an amazing gift,some of the things that Logan says and does, UNBELIEVEABLE! I have never had a deck before so what am I really missing now (just don't walk out the kitchen door it is a 20 feet drop to the yard) and I am not good at sitting still so if I wasn't in the garage crushing cans I would be doing something else.
Funny how writing a few lines puts everything into perspective
Thanks for helping and following our
Relentless Pursuit of a Family
I am tired of waiting for this to happen! Each day, if I let it, a little doubt sneaks in and tries to crack my foundation, a foundation built upon my strong belief that we were meant to do this and I whole heartedly believe we were meant to do this. Days like today though, I just start to think or the little voice in my head says "it hasn't happened yet, maybe there is a reas...." I never let the voice finish before I squash it but just the fact that the voice is there is enough for me. There is no reason for why I feel like this either, I seriously woke up this way at 5:00am this way.
There is so much in your life that goes on hold when you are adopting, things that you never think of until you are right in the middle of the process. For instance to help finance this dream we collect aluminum cans and have been doing so for over 3 years. Every week for 3 years I have been in our garage dead of winter or heat of summer crushing cans, stale beer cans, moldy pop cans, inevitably someone mistakes a bag of cans for garbage and you get some garbage in there too. I am tired of cans! We bring them home from work we collect them from friends and family, our fantastic neighbors leave them in our garage - and we appreciate everyone one of them, doesn't mean I have to like crushing them all the time.
We put our jobs on hold for this to happen, we don't know when our miracle will come or from where. Will we have to have an extended stay from work to have this happen? As a result we keep our vacation time very minimal so that we always have it for our miracle. Neither of us actively seeks out job changes because we need the stability our current positons provide.
Don't start me on the deck to our house that has never been built becasue that money is going elsewhere or the birthday parties we will attend this weekend for all the children another year older.
SO when I feel like this I also think ALL of the above is a selfish way to think. It is nothing but selfish jealousy, is it right to be envious that my nieces and nephews are a year older or that my deck isn't there or that I am crushing cans. Really I love watching kids grow it is an amazing gift,some of the things that Logan says and does, UNBELIEVEABLE! I have never had a deck before so what am I really missing now (just don't walk out the kitchen door it is a 20 feet drop to the yard) and I am not good at sitting still so if I wasn't in the garage crushing cans I would be doing something else.
Funny how writing a few lines puts everything into perspective
Thanks for helping and following our
Relentless Pursuit of a Family
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